Accidentally Nintendo Hard April 6, 2010
My first NES ended up being a traumatized mess before I sold it. The cartridge lid was long gone, and the case was covered in graffiti. But most tellingly, the front loading mechanism was completely fucked up – you could push the cartridge in and down, but it wouldn’t stay down, and would pop up. Two cassette tapes wedged in kept the cartridge down… most of the time. Sometimes it would just sproing up, usually at the worst time.
Why was my NES the victim of such domestic abuse?
Because the games were Nintendo Hard.
Cheap deaths, especially towards the end of a long game with no save codes, were enraging. Other kids would pitch their control pads at the TV, but I knew that FUCKING GAME was the bitch here. Ninja Gaiden, Batman, Castlevania (HE CAN KILL A VAMPIRE BUT HE CAN’T SWIM – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?), Ghosts ‘n Goblins… each of those games had corresponding cracks and dings on the case – and holy crap, that NES was messed the fuck up. And I fucking loved it – even with the cheap deaths, it was an absolute blast.
Recently, I replaced my first-gen iPhone (protip: they don’t bounce) with a 3GS. I frickin’ love it – it’s much faster, and as such, I figured I’d once again check out what gaming options were offered… after all, I am to understand it’s supposedly the new gaming hotness. I checked out a few options, and found that Capcom had a few games that totally appealed to my love of classic games. And ohey AWESOME, I saw two favorites…
Ghosts ‘n Goblins:
And MegaMan:
And it was cheap deaths galore… from ridiculously bad control. Having your only means of input being a touch screen makes for a really deeply shitty and un-fun gaming experience… because it’s nothing but cheap deaths. And really, if every action game out there makes me want to chuck my iPhone out the window in frustration, then seriously, can we get over the hype already and make some real games? Because right now, the game I play the most is a freeware blackjack game.
I’m not the only one who calls shenanigans on the iPhone gaming experience. The guys behind Super Meat Boy feel the same way:
But even better? They did the perfect send up, and made a Tiger LCD/Nintendo Game & Watch sendup of their game:
You can grab it from the app store for 99 cents. And you know what? It’s more playable and more fun than pretty much all of the games in the app store I’ve played so far.