I've resisted making a 9/11 blog entry, but I'm forging ahead anyways September 11, 2010

I've been kind of resisting making a 9/11-related rant, because I am just so sickened by what has happened since then, and what it's become... but this has been burbling in my head and heart all week, so it's time to get it out int the open.

Many people have pointed out that this was the date we realized we were vulnerable to terrorism. I disagree, only in that I believe it whitewashes the deaths in the Oklahoma City bombing. What 9/11 was, was the moment we realized we we did not have absolute control over what the world outside of the US could to to us, on our home soil. 

In the same way that a young teenage boy can suddenly realize that his strength and good looks, combined with charisma, can alter the equations of the world in his favor, so too has the US enjoyed this sense of purpose as the bastion of all that is good and perfect and right. Doubt crept in during the Vietnam War era, but like anyone, a collective sense of denial swept in around the 80's, and as a country we cloaked ourselves in this tighter and tighter. 

And one day, that perfect boy grows into a deluded man who has learned that there is no one willing to stand up to his strength, and his beauty and charisma put a pretty face over it all. 

And one day, it all comes crashing down. Maybe his wife leaves him, he loses his job, or maybe it's a confluence of those and more. His strength and beauty are no longer hard currency, as he finds with growing horror that everyone sneers at his downfall. And it drives him crazy - because he suddenly sees everyone's contempt. Maybe he throws an Iraq-shaped punch at the rest of the world in his panic. And ultimately, he starts going a little bit crazy, seeing sneers and jeers and mocking faces everywhere - because it's easier than facing up to the truth of one's self-destructive behavior. 

It's easier to believe the lies you tell yourself than pay the dues required to make amends. 

And in that way, it's become easier to see terrorists everywhere, all Muslims as evil, secret training camps hidden in the heartland. It's easier to live in hateful fear than it is to wear the mantle of humility, repentance, and atonement. And the longer it goes on, the bigger the bill will be that must be paid if sanity is to be restored. And eventually, the bill is too big, and the course of final self-destruction is set. 

On 9/11, remember those who died. Remember those who were heroes. But remember why it happened. Learn the lessons. Stop living in fear and hate. Because if you don't, you have no fucking right to claim to honor the dead, because you will have no honor yourself to give.