Not just lowering the bar - but dropping it down a mineshaft April 7, 2010

I have a proud history of watching some seriously stank-ass horror/sci-fi movies. Scripts that never should have been submitted as some film student’s final, let alone had any sort of funding applied to it by anyone, at all… Movies so horrible, that both my sister and I, suffering from the flu, both agreed that it MUST have been a shared fever hallucination, because there was just no fucking way anyone would make a serious film about fire-farting cockroaches…

… and yet, we found out that it really did happen.

But good god, the crapitude was awesome – the amount of disbelief that the filmmakers required us to suspend was directly proportional to our levels of hilarity. Oh, the things I’ve seen…

Sci-Fi (I refuse to use that other name) has produced, or been affiliated with some pretty awful stinkers. Some fun, some neat, but mostly just unwatchable because they’ve actually got actors acting, as opposed to my buddy who works at the convenience mart to cough out a few lines of a script. As such, it’s just painful, and no fun.

Happily, some poor deluded fuck has taken that classic formula of no budget, actors who were whisked away from the nearest arcade, barstool, or tanning salon, and most importantly… the notion that this is SERIOUS FILMMAKING…

That horror? Birdemic – where crazed bald eagles suddenly attach the populace of San Jose, CA.

Really.

Seriously. Watch the trailer. I’m not kidding. Yes, you did really see the shittiest CGI birds ever committed to film. Watch it again if you think I’m lying.

Hats off to you, mister James Nguyen – you really do honestly believe that turds can shine like diamonds. And until you figure out otherwise, we’ll all have a damned good chuckle.